down and out!

Sometimes, you gotta hit your personal rock-bottom. Like, soaked by rain and crying on the train, mad at the world-kind of bottom. Sometimes you have to reach that point where you realize, what ever you circumstances may be, you have been stretching yourself too thin, that little ‘you’ll never be good enough’-voice in your head has been driving you crazy, and you just cannot, no, do not want to go on like this anymore.

I think I hit that point today. I hope I did, because I surely don’t want to keep on going through this. Admittedly, I’m one of those people who say this every year. Who am I kidding, multiple times a year! Birthdays, after summer, beginning of fall, New Years Eve, ‘when I go on holiday’ or ‘when I’m back from holiday’, I fully embrace ‘new beginnings’ as a starting-point for a ‘new and improved me’, to subsequently fall of the wagon pretty much… straight after. But this time it’s different. This is the year where I realized I am getting older. Age has never bothered me before, but recently it hit me: I’m turning 27 and about one third of my whole life is behind me. One third! Just two more! First of all, where did that first one go and how did it get away from me so quickly? Second of all, if I only have two more left, I surely wouldn’t want to spend them worrying, stressing, crying, out of breath with a mild chest pain the majority of the time? No thank you, I'm out of here.

So there it is, on digital black and white. Cheers to life-changing realizations! Now excuse me while I try to make something out of this train ride with chocolate and squeezing some Netflix out of my phone’s last minutes of battery life while I try to dry off my hair and jeans